Thank You Bad Boss

Don't worry, I'm not a basher, so reading this article at work won't get you in trouble--but then again maybe it depends on your boss! If you live long enough, you'll hear stories about people's bad jobs--everybody's got one.Sometimes, it was just dangerous because as a child you had to swing from the rafters in a farm supply company and could have easily been killed (yes--someone's true story).

Regardless, no matter how bad it seemed at the time, you moved on, and I'll bet you learned something.Often the job was a bad experience because of the person who you reported to.Whether or not we realize it, we are all amazing people. We have the ability to adapt to so many situations: Births, deaths, job losses, new jobs, moves, bad financial decisions, divorces, marriages and so on.

Whether good or bad we adapt, and many of us live to tell. This doesn't mean that we don't get damaged a long the way, but it does prove our resilience. We each only get one shot at this lifetime, so there can be a lot to gain by working on getting over the things that scare us, and enjoying more of the many things that life has to offer.
           
There are 24 hours in a day. In theory, many of us spend 8 hours, sleeping, 8 hours working, and then the time in between living the rest of our lives. I know that these numbers can be hugely skewed depending on your lifestyle and career, but most of us to spend a significant amount of our adult life at work (yes stay at home moms, I am talking to you as well). A while ago, I began to think that if work is such a big part of your life, I need to find a way to get more out of it.
           
I won't lie, there have been days that I have come home from work, wanted to curl into a little ball, and hide forever. No matter how bad the day was, a few days later, something else would happen and I would be on to thinking more about something else. We are all like this in some ways, because whether we want it to or not, life does go on.
           
As women, specially when we are younger, we are overly concerned about what people think of us. Many of us have this obsessive need to please others. As we age, we learn that it's just not that important, because you can't please everyone. We often learn this the hard way. As we get even older, we realize that if we keep giving to others, even our family, without taking care of ourselves, the well runs dry. This is a harsh realization for many of us, but the truth is that the people that really care about you would much rather have you be happy and yourself, than having a grumpy superwoman around all of the time.

Let me tell you about my worst job:
           
I was one year out of vet school, and had interviewed with a husband and wife team to be the third vet in their practice. I thought good, they seem nice, and I will have the support if I have any questions and need help with anything. I drove 3 hours each way a couple of times to visit the clinic, spend some time with the clients and meet the staff to make sure that it was a good match before I accepted. So I did. When I called to tell them , hey were thrilled, and then said, "hope its not a problem, but we're expecting our first child in a few months so it will just be David you're working with for a while".

I was surprised, but being put on the spot and trying to be supportive, I said that was fine and congratulated them. Then the hell began. All of a sudden, I was the only one working much of the time, and had to deal with angry clients wondering why David was 2 hours late for their appointment. Finally they would get tired of waiting and agree to see me (you can imagine what kind of a mood their were in!) This only got worse, as the wife would call from home and have the staff go through my files, and call the clients to change drugs and instructions as she saw fit--even though she had never stepped foot in the clinic to see these patients (yes it is very wrong to do that--but at least she didn't make any wrong medical decisions, just differences in opinion). By the way, this all started months before the baby was even born.
           
Things quickly went from bad to worse: Not only had my vision of being the third doctor in the practice been replaced by often being the only one in a very busy clinic, these people were starting to make me doubt my worth as a doctor and a person. I never made a single decision that endangered a patient or that wasn't in their best interests. This couple just wanted everything to be their way, and I could do no right. Eventually, I accepted that this was not going to change, and had the courage to give my notice and move on.

Things that I learned from this experience:
           
People that are miserable bosses to everyone, are often not happy themselves. The couple would often be just screaming at each other, and constantly fight with the family members around them--why would they be any different with me?
           
To listen to the little voice inside my head. I had a bad feeling after I called to accept the job and found out that they hadn't been honest with me, but I ignored it and hope that things would turn out fine anyway. Most of my biggest medical successes as a veterinarian have been because I listened to my gut and trusted my own judgement.
           
That no job is worth my personal happiness. I had just been so miserable at work that it spilled over into my personal life. Until my husband had the courage to tell me I wasn't myself anymore and that he was worried--I hadn't even noticed what was really happening.
           

How to stand up for myself. I was only 26 years old and in a position of huge responsibility. If I hadn't stood up for myself and my licence, I know that something very bad would have happened to a patient. Working for people that only look out for themselves is a huge professional liability that no one should have to bear.
           
I look back on those days now, and I have no resentment or anger. I'm glad I had that job. In fact, if I had to go back and do it all again, I would, because it pushed me to make some of those tough decisions that we all have to make as adults. I am a stronger, more compassionate person because I went through that experience.
           
People always talk about forgiveness. I don't know how I feel about that word exactly. What I do know, is that we can learn so much about others, life, and ourselves, from every unpleasant experience. Every tough thing that we endure makes us much stronger people when we come out on the other side. You don't have to forgive if you think it makes you feel like you're giving something up. Instead, find a way to turn the anger and hurt in to something positive for yourself. The biggest gift that you can give yourself in a bad situation is to not let that person take up so much of the time, energy, and love that you can give to those who really matter.
           
So thank you bad boss, for you have made me into a better human being! Just remember--it never hurts to look for another job. If you're not happy with your current situation, and you know it won't change, don't put the honus on your boss to make things better for you. Open and account with Monster, Workopolis, or other want ads and just see where it takes you. You have absolutely nothing to lose by looking.